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Adele

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(no subject) [Dec. 13th, 2009|06:07 am]
Adele
too lazy to put a pretty picture
from this point onwards
completely friends-locked

comment to be added thanks
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(no subject) [Nov. 7th, 2009|10:29 pm]
Adele
should i feel guilty that this pre-A level period has been pretty pleasant for me?
or maybe i should feel worried.


but i really do love my parents i've been showered with love and if parental support could guarantee me As, i'll get Astars.
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(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2009|08:37 am]
Adele
i stayed up till one am last night and i've finally finished "possession" by a.s.byatt
after reading the last page 
it was so beautiful i felt like crying 

"What is it? My dear?" 
"Ah, how can we bear it?" 
"Bear what?" 
"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?" 
"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world." 
"And every day we shall have less. And then none." 
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?" 
"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere." 


and when i went to bed scenes from the book kept flashing in my head 
i want to re-read the book again



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(no subject) [Oct. 3rd, 2009|11:19 pm]
Adele
i've been reading snatches of poetry and byatt in between slacking, feeling guilty about slacking and the sporadic studying
possession by a.s.byatt has an apparent "magnetic readability" according to the guardian and it is wonderfully sensuous and very magnetic but i've been reading it for months now at page 363 with the last quarter to go it's like being stuck in a whirlpool it just keeps swirling and swirling inside my head i put it down for weeks at end and later pick it up again only to fall right back in but i love reading some of the poetry in it somehow some of the poetry inside is reminiscent of renaissance literature that perry went through in class it's pretty fascinating
i'm also reading poetry by marge piercy from the collection mars and her children so far its been pretty disappointing with the occasional one or two poems that stands out but i'll keep going

the seduction of anticipated pain
You rush to embrace a certain
form of pain like a bright tempered sword
focusing light into a point of blindness
on which you impale yourself.

You thrust into that pain
as into an iron maiden, yank it closed
so that its spiks tear through flesh,
organs until they meet like the grin

of a shark. This is reality,
you say as you bleed there in the dark
of the grinding teeth, this is how
I always secretly knew it would come out.


with A levels i only have time for poetry now
its strange to think that A lvls are in 36 days and it'll be the start of the end
how weird that formal education in singapore is really about to come to an abrupt finish

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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2009|12:06 am]
Adele
tonight i'll say goodbye
and tomorrow i'll meet with sinking heart
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(no subject) [Sep. 8th, 2009|10:12 pm]
Adele
today while reading great expectations on the sofa after dinner i received two mosquito bites from a very voracious mosquito out there which BETTER BE satiated. i hope its having a stomach upset from too much food grr
more importantly, hello mr burge if you're looking at this i think i deserve an A after all that lost blood!!!

on another note, i've discovered the prettiest view from my house
when i'm lying on my bed looking out at the window beside it during dusk the sky is beautiful.
on the third floor and having the fortune of being next to the istana (hence there's a height limit in the vicinity) i don't see anything other than the sky and tonight the it was opaque and impenetrable and in sheer juxtaposition the tree right outside my window shivered
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(no subject) [Sep. 4th, 2009|09:01 pm]
Adele
[Current Mood |okayokay]
[Current Music |kids aflame]

today-
i really don't feel like studying
i miss my brother
i just want to sit somewhere and talk to someone, properly without feeling worried/guilty (which can only happen after prelims)
i wrote a really cruddy essay for GP: yes, GP Qn 2 (Nothing is worth dying for) is REALLY not worth dying for damnit
i received a really cute post-it set from grace-the-awesome-junior 
i realised that these two years have been characterised by consumption from dis-savings
i want to read some shorter-than-20-lines poetry
i want to eat tiramisu 
i received two smses that made me feel thankful for good friends
i felt tired despite adequate sleep
I concluded that my favourite time of the day is just-before-sleep when i lie on my bed half talking to alicia half reading lit texts
IS GOING TO END 
and tomorrow will be a better day!!:)


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(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2009|01:12 am]
Adele
[Current Mood |weirdweird]

its 0112 and i'm about to sleep. before blocks two i blogged about staying up late and feeling the cool night breeze but i think prelims and a levels gives you a totally different perspective about things. i occasionally inhale torrents of cigarette smoke from the dude that's smoking 3 floors down and i gag but that passed temporarily
i'm sort of dazed right now the kind of feeling you get when you haven't been sleeping enough and you're living in a permanent state of semi-inactivity and panic
i don't really want to talk about prelims and a levels and how unprepared i am because i think i've kind of reached a stage beyond the panic so i can't be bothered for now
its my dad's birthday today alicia joel and i chipped in to buy him a mieo watch which can count calories, hearbeat and number of steps without requiring a belt strap perfect for my exercise obssessed dad
in school talk about university and scholarships have pretty much died down and i've really stopped thinking about it already i'm 80% sure what i'm going to apply for and its really a few little details to consider but i'm all set my future is laid out in my mind in these neat lists of alternatives and i don't worry anymore but i dream anyway i see myself going to different places different unis different continents and its surreal to think that next year it'll really be (hopefully) happening
i dream but i don't dare dream and i dont want to dream but i dont really want to be disappointed at the end of the day
im really happy my parents are the way they are. my daddy has absolutely no distinguishing standards i think he's all for me applying not-so-great unis if it means i'll stand a better chance of getting in that day i was talking to him about contingency plans (i.e. i dont get a scholarship) and talking to him about taking a partial student loan and borrowing the rest from him and my dad just ruffles my hair and tells me not to worry and that he'll pay for me whereever i go
and i guess the fact that they believe in me and they're willing to pay half-a-freaking-million for me to go to some place any place just to get out of singapore next year makes me feel both incredibly blissful and incredibly stressed
because really i know that nothing would make them happier than if i get into oxfordorpennorsomewherefabulousthatidreamaboutbutdaren'thopefor and i want more than anything to do it not just for myself but for them and make them proud
i think nothing quite trumps that as a birthday present
happy birthday daddy i'll try my best

p.s. for some strange reason typing that made me tear

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(no subject) [Aug. 15th, 2009|04:00 pm]
Adele

i just had an epiphany and i feel like a more mature person hahaha. after math athena, yina jingwei and i went to eat at a northern indian restaurant nearby and walking home, lulling over conversations both in the restaurant and on the bus and i just realised. and i feel its pretty significant, to me at least.



 

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TODAY IN THE POST [Jul. 20th, 2009|08:14 pm]
Adele
[Current Mood |happyhappy]


school has been a mishmash of lessons interspersed by worry. history has been a blast lately: mr miles regales us stories and jokes and general melodrama. i think the fact that global economy is just so iffy plays a part. but i really like the topic: the part of me that once wanted to study economic history never really disappeared entirely. between lessons we flock to the staffroom in hoards, eager students grasping for dreams that quite easily slip through our fingers. conversations are all about uncertainties and futures. we can't help it i guess, i feel like for the first time, we have to mould our own futures and more often than not, we don't quite know what shape we want.

i've been vacillating with subject combinations. i think within two years i've changed my mind more times than i can count. studying pure history seemed to be a bit of a gamble: wasn't too sure whether i wanted to study it pure or in combination with another subject (politics? economics?), never thought i was particularly good enough to do it etc etc (plus the age-old what do you do with a history degree question) but i believe in signs and getting back my blocks ii history exam paper today was an affirmation of a tentative decision i had already partially made. although it has to be said that at any other university i wouldn't consider pure history. the thing about me is that i am so bloody uncertain about what i want.

i miss my brother. i was typing out an email to him today and i realise how much i wish he was still in his room (the room i am in now partially studying i say partially self-evidently because i am obviously  not doing much studying haha) and i could just pop in to bug/nag/question because if anything, he reassures me. he has more confidence in me than i have in myself and its a very pleasant feeling. come back don't party so much at rock concerts in argentina :(

my toilet is under construction/renovation. apparently we're leaking into the second floor. i came back early today and regretted it it sounds like wwthree in the afternoon: drills and hammers galore. couldn't get any work done the sound was incessant and annoying

i had a really good weekend. other than CATS being an utter waste of my time, i met up with friends: p, becca, cher, and it was a breather. meeting up with jc when she gets back from i-don't-know-where-somewhere-i'd-rather-be-whereever-it-is on sat for lunch and i'm looking forward to that too. and my hot date with huishan. i guess thats what the rest of the year is going to be like. the sporadic (in my case not really that sporadic i'm such a bum) moments of fun between what is gonna be some really painful grind and toil

and oh, oh, today in post, delivered by a friendly man in yellow who gave my sister a great shock (she opened the door to go down to let the guy through the gate only to find him already outside the door doesn't sound funny but her shriek was haha) came the new macbook pro which my dad bought for us and my ipod touch with my name (adele natalya tee) at the back <3<3<3

in the mean time i shall close this and do cold war revision o-m-gee i think there'll never be a time that i'm ahead. seems like i'm on the perpetual catch-up for anything academic related zzz
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